DETAILS: ASK "WHAT CAN I DO?" - PART II HOME

A – Ask "What Can I Do?"

Effectively anticipating needs requires making a practice of asking the right questions for the work you're presented with. No matter where you turn there's work waiting to be done: at your job, around the house, and with your friends. There are assignments to complete, projects to work on, and relationships to strengthen. With all of the work that surrounds us, how often are we asking those around us what we can do to better support them and anticipate needs? Asking "What can I do?" simply means, asking the right questions to get the most important information needed at that time to serve well. We will continue by looking at home and friendships over the next two blogs while thinking about what questions to ask to gather important information.

ASKING AT HOME

Asking the right questions at home can go a long way. Asking questions is a powerful tool that can help you know how to best serve in your home. Before I jump directly into talking about asking questions, I want to lay a foundation of what serving in the home has looked like for me.

SERVING IN THE HOME

Over time, I’ve learned that serving is directly connected to goals. Goals can look different to different people, and there is a wide range of language used to talk about goals: mission, purpose, target, etc. Serving without purpose is just filling your time with tasks. But, when you fill your time with tasks that are connected to a purpose, you are serving.

One of the goals in our home is to love and serve each other the best that we can. We also want anyone that comes into our home to feel loved, cared for, and appreciated. A principle that has guided us comes from Philippians 2:3.

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others as more significant than yourself.”

This is foundational to how we think through all that we do. When we do a task, we want to make sure that it connected to a purpose – serving others.

Now, there are other goals and important things in our home: saving, vacations, rest, and many others – but service is a big one. Our home isn't meant to only be a place where we check out at the end of the day. The patterns and habits we make behind closed doors shape so much of who we are both in and outside of the home. 

• What are the goals?

To know how to serve best, you need to know the goals you want to achieve. You can serve others well by setting specific goals for yourself and your family, while asking what kind of environment you want in your home. Goodness, what an incredible opportunity to create a peaceful environment where you spend so much of your life. A big part of this is just having awareness. I want to create a sweet and comforting home for our family to share our time in. This doesn't just happen. It requires being intentional and determining your values and goals; and not just thinking about them, but talking about it with those who share your home.

One way you can work on setting goals is by writing out some of the things you want to accomplish over the next several years. I love that my husband and I do this by scheduling time at the end of the year where we talk about our goals for the next year. Our scheduled time together includes writing out our 5-year plan, which gives us a clear vision for the year and helps us determine throughout whether our decisions are supporting or detracting from our goals. Another way of setting goals is by creating a map of an ideal week (more to come on this later). This makes you think through how you are spending your day and helps reveal how to be a better steward of your time.

• What are your strengths and what are areas for growth?

Have honest conversations with yourself and others. Ask how you could improve in specific areas. Be aware of the ways you can improve and work on them - often. Ask yourself what things you enjoy doing and what you find fulfillment from accomplishing. These things won't always be your strengths, but they are a good place to start. Once you know what things you are good at, continue to solicit feedback - it will help you to continue strengthening these areas in your life.

• What needs to be done?

This starts with asking "what can I do?" No one should rely on others in the home to carry the responsibility all by themselves - each of us needs to make an effort and contribute. When asking what needs to be done, sometimes the answer to this question is right under our nose! Often we get so busy with "stuff" that we don't take the time to ask ourselves what needs to be done next. There are always things that need to be done, but an effective practice is taking the time to write down important tasks that need completing. Writing things down will keep you from forgetting about your tasks and provide you with a visual way of measuring your progress. You should also ask those around you. Find ways to serve the people around you and anticipate the needs of others that live in your home and those who visit.

• What is important?

When you have clear goals and know what needs to be done, it becomes easier to understand what is and isn't important. For our family, we strive to make hospitality and serving others a priority. We also have other goals we want to reach, and we actively seek to create a clear path to achieving them. We will regularly ask ourselves how this task or project is serving those around us and the goals we have set for our family. If tasks or projects are taking time away from serving others and our family goals, it may be necessary for us to reassess how we are investing our time. How you invest your time at home is so valuable because it will bear fruit in all of the other areas of your life.

• How is the communication?

Assess how well you are communicating with those around you. If you aren't talking and interacting, those around you won't know what your goals are. If you aren't having conversations with the people in your home and asking for feedback, you won't have a full understanding of your strengths and weaknesses. If you want to know what is important or what to do next, then communication is essential.

When you are communicating, talk about things that are going on in your lives. What are your expectations?  Don't be afraid to talk about both the negative and positive things. As Calvin and I have grown in our communication with one another, we've only become more of a team the more we take the time to ask each other - even about the hard stuff. When you're regularly communicating it removes the opportunity for wrong assumptions to be created. Even though Emet is only a year and a half, I strive to continually communicate with him and ask him questions to get to know what his motives are.

Regardless of who you are communicating with, communicate with the outpouring of grace and mercy. Don't be quick to be offended. 

Ask yourself, how am I doing with communication? Am I asking the right questions? Am I giving and receiving feedback from those around me? Am I helping to communicate what is important?

|  Credits: Author and Photography - Jacintha Payne  |