When I think back 12 years - to my wedding day, there are so many things I feel like I would do differently. Honestly, there’ve been times I felt like if it were up to me now, I’d probably just elope and remove some of the family drama that left a mark on the day. When I was younger and imagining what our wedding day would be like, I just wanted to feel as close to the person I was marrying and soak in an amazing experience together. But the day somehow ended up being about everything else because I just wanted to find a way to make everyone around me happy. If I told you some of the crazy requests I got from others - well, your jaw would definitely drop. Even smaller things like my wedding colors getting changed from what I originally wanted (green) or wanting white daisies. Or things like what kind of food and drinks would be served somehow ended up being someone else’s decision. In the moment, it felt like we were walking away with was a lot of debt (Calvin and I paid for the bulk of our wedding) for things that we didn’t really want to begin with. Some of these things really changed the focus of the day to be about all of these other “things” that other people wanted.

Yesterday, Calvin and I watched our wedding video all of the way through for the first time in many years. It was really special to see. We were both so young and neither of us really had any idea what we were getting ourselves into. Seeing some of the footage brought back memories of the awkward moments of the day - but it also reminded me of the sweet ones: how excited Calvin and I were to start our lives together, how pretty the church was we got married in, celebrating the day with family members who have now passed and are no longer with us. It was an incredibly special day.

In many ways, this day reflected the messy craziness of life we were walking into. Life rarely goes the way we’d want it to and at times feels like someone else is at the wheel. But in the end, the things that matter are the moments you make with others and the lessons learned along the way.

Calvin so perfectly described the feeling of our wedding day in a letter he wrote me. I’ve shared both of our letters to each other below.

A note I wrote for Calvin this year:

My Dearest Calvin, 

Here we are again crossing into another year of marriage. 12 years, Calvin. That’s something to be so proud of. I don’t take it lightly, the opportunity to be here by your side for another year. You know all of the deep dark pieces of me. You know the insecurities. The fears. The… sin. And you’re still here. But, you’re not only here, you’re present. You’re seeking to find ways to be closer and better friends, even still. 

The depth of our friendship and commitment looks so different than it did 12 years ago. Or even almost 15 years ago when we started dating. Gracious. I had no idea how much sacrifice, selflessness, and beauty was in marriage back then. Thank you for choosing me every day. Thank you for desiring my happiness. Our love grows sweeter and sweeter as each year passes - and that’s because of effort. I’m thankful for what our marriage has taught me about my relationship with Christ. How it’s taught me to serve. What it’s taught me about joy. My most favorite days are the ones we get to spend together. We’ve built the most beautiful family together. I hope as our boys grow, they find much security in our love. 

Our 11th year of marriage will forever be viewed as the year of sickness to me (along with 2010) but what a glorious thing to have the privilege to get to walk through years like the last with my dearest friend. I’m truly excited to see what our 12th year of marriage holds for us. No matter if it’s full of sickness or health, I’m thankful I get to share this journey by your side. I love you, Calvin. And I always will.

Forever yours, 

Jacintha

A note Calvin wrote for me this year:

Jacintha,

Happy anniversary! 144 months- 4,380 days of living together and learning about each other.

I think back on this magical day and remember mostly how overwhelmed with happiness and excitement I was for the future. There was, of course, the stresses of family and behind the scenes drama. But, I truly look back on this day with fondness and joy - because it was the start of something truly amazing.

Our first year of marriage… it’s hard to think of that year without first thinking about HOW HARD it was. I think back to that famous moment in our closet - I really thought it was all over and that we would see the fate of so many of our other married friends. But that moment was a turning point for both of us and we both started down a journey together that moved us from self focused individuals to two people functioning as a unit looking for ways to serve one another.

I believe this focus on service has been the key to our strength over the years and it has specifically been modeled by you in such an amazing and inspiring way. It’s inspiring because of the consistency in which you’ve done it over the years - working hard as a cosmetologist, caring for me when I had brain surgery.. putting me through school while working for a hard boss, moving for jobs, sacrificing yourself to pour into the lives of our boys. These are just a sampling of the ways you have shown selfless service over the years. Thank you for being a constant example of someone who empties themself for the love and service of others. It’s Christlike and it’s beautiful. What a gift for me and our boys to have this on display every day. I pray that I will learn from you and will fill you up with this kind of service. It is what has sustained us and what will grow our love even deeper.

I’ve never been more excited about the future than I am right now! You are such a joy in my life and I’m so thankful the Lord has gifted me with sharing our lives together.

Happy 12 years! Here’s to 80 more to come! :)

Love,

Calvin

|  Credits: Author - Jacintha Payne; Photography - An assortment of loved ones |