Calvin and I got married in 2008. I was 20 and he was 22. At the time, I didn't know much about what planning a wedding was supposed to look like. I saw things I liked from other weddings I attended, but I didn't know where to start my planning or how to begin getting myself organized. One of the first things I did was purchase a wedding planning book. To be honest, this book was more confusing than it was helpful. It caused me to focus on the things that weren't important and in the end, my plan (even though it was in a binder) was all over the place. I overlooked significant details I wasn't aware of and my communication was lacking in some key areas. This led to confusion during the planning process, not being as considerate as I could have been towards others who were working during the wedding, and unnecessary stress along the way.

I learned a lot from my own wedding. I'm the kind of person who spends time reflecting and thinking through how I can do things better. There were so many good memories and wonderful things about my wedding day - but there were definitely some things that I would go back and change to make it run smoother. Here we are, many years later. I've spent several years working in event planning and a big part of that job was organizing details and anticipating needs. Along the way, I've worked several weddings in a coordinating or planning role and I've been able to try  different things - weighing what works and what doesn't.

Planning Tip: When selecting a venue, try finding one that feels naturally decorated and most like you. This will allow you to focus on the beauty of room instead of needing tons of decorations - which will naturally drive your cost up.

The problem I faced, and the problem most people face when they plan their own wedding, is knowing where to start, what to focus on, and answering the question: "what should I be thinking about?" However, this problem sometimes only seems to compound when you start looking for helpful resources to get started and try focusing on the right things. There is no shortage of books, blogs, and articles on this topic. This can lead to feeling overwhelmed and not knowing where to begin, which isn't how it should be when you're planning such a special and wonderful day. Organizing a wedding should be a joyful experience - not a stressful one.

Here are some things I've found helpful to think through when organizing and planning a wedding.

CLARIFY YOUR PLAN

When things are cloudy and unclear it causes confusion. And when things are confusing it makes it harder to enjoy the process. I've found the best way to cut out the confusion and stress is to simplify the planning process - clarify your plan. Here are two simple ways to help clarify the plan for your wedding day:

1. Get Organized

This seems like a pretty obvious first step, but it's incredibly important. Keep all of your thoughts, ideas, and planning documents together in one place. Having everything in the same place allows you to have everything at your fingertips and saves you from wasting time needlessly looking. I've found that a hybrid of digital and analog planning documents work best for me. I love working in a digital document when I'm planning so I can keep things clean and orderly. However, when it comes time for the day of the wedding, I like having physical documents in hand to work with. Technology fails, batteries die, but paper can withstand quite a bit. If you need somewhere to start, I've put together a Wedding Organizer Kit that contains both digital and printable guides to help you get organized. These documents are a collection of things I've found to be central to the wedding planning process. You can simply click the link for more information about how to gain access.

2. Get Someone to Help You

Find someone you trust to help you the day of your wedding. Some brides want to use one of their bridesmaids to help the day of the wedding, but while bridesmaids can be super helpful the day of the wedding, having someone free from the wedding party to keep things running smoothly can really streamline the day. Meet with this person (assistant/coordinator/planner) regularly as the wedding approaches to make sure they up to date on all things wedding related.

Once you get organized and find someone you can trust to help you during your wedding, you will have gained a significant amount of clarity about what needs to happen.

FOCUS ON WHAT MATTERS

When I was planning my wedding I was basically guessing about what was most important for my wedding day. One of the important things for our wedding planning was keeping our costs low - this meant cutting some things that we thought didn't matter.

However, one of the things we decided to cut was the wedding program - you know, the one that has the order of service and the names of all the family members. What I didn't know was: (A) there are really inexpensive ways to provide something like this for your guests and (B) it actually is an important feature of your wedding ceremony.

Planning Tip: When planning your invitations and wedding programs try to pull in elements (such as font or colors) that provide consistency. These little touches show attention to detail and make things look better and intentional. Here is an example of a program and invitation that Calvin and I created for a wedding.

Of course, having or not having program doesn't affect whether you're getting married or not. However, it does help connect your guests with your ceremony in a special way. I didn't know which things I needed to focus on as I was planning and the result was I overlooked some important details that could have made the day more well rounded. Sometimes overlooking something can add an unnecessary level of stress to wedding planning. Here are five key areas to help you focus on what matters. If you focus on these five areas it will help provide you with some much needed peace of mind.

1. BUDGET - Start here. You either know how much money you're able to spend or need to know how much money you will be spending. Having focus around what categories you'll be spending money and how much can be devoted to each area is freeing. 

Planning Tip: One way to save money at your reception is by asking for friends and family to contribute cakes and other desserts. You can even have those who are contributing type out their recipe to go along with it. This is a sweet way for close ones to contribute to your big day and build your library of recipes! 

2. PLANNING - Once you know how much you'll be spending in each category, set aside a few afternoons for gathering contact information of vendors, putting together mood boards for the types of flower arrangements you want, etc. Keep all of this information in one place where you can take notes and make updates as new information comes in. You can use this Wedding Organizer Kit.

3. TASK LISTS - Keep track of what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, and who's going to do it. Make sure you are communicating to people clearly and if someone if assigned a task make sure they know exactly what they need to do - I will speak to this a little more in the next section. 

4. POINTS OF CONTACT - It's great to have people stored in your phone, but because you are running around and not always around power, it's helpful to have everyone's information on a physical document along with an indication of their role (this is also helpful for your coordinator). There's a need to keep a lot of things at the front of your mind over the course of a few days - having a list of points of contact is helpful and frees your mind to focus on the right things.

5. TIMELINES - Create a document of everything that needs to take the place the day before and the day of the wedding (and leave some room for margin). Assign times to each task and event. If you do this work on the front end, it will keep you from thinking about unnecessary details the day of the wedding.

If you spend a few afternoons firming up details in these categories it will eliminate unnecessary stress the day of the wedding and the days leading up to the event. I've put together guides in the Wedding Organizer Kit for each of these categories to help jumpstart thinking through these details so you don't have to.

COMMUNICATE CLEARLY

When the day of the wedding comes you'll want to minimize the amount of work you have to do. You won't have time to pick things up at the store on the way to the ceremony - someone else will be doing this work for you. This is why planning and communicating clearly is important. Here are a couple of reasons communicating clearly will help both you and those working during the wedding.

1. It keeps other people from having to figure out what they need to do.
2. It keeps you from wondering if people are doing what needs to be done.

Planning Tip: You can create a fun and easy guestbook by setting up a notebook / Polaroid station. Have your guests snap a photo, attach it to the notebook, and sign their name. A great keepsake to revisit on anniversaries.

Communicating clearly is easy when you've thought through things well from the beginning. If you're spending time getting a clear plan and focusing on the right things you'll know what to communicate leading up to and the day of your wedding.

From my experience, focusing on these three areas has made wedding planning and coordinating simple and easy. It transforms you from feeling stressed about not knowing where to start, to organized and ready for the wedding day. In the end, you don't want to have to think about details the day of your wedding - you want to soak in the joy of joining your life to someone else.

I'd love to hear about some of your wedding planning experiences. Head over to the store and check out the Wedding Organizer Kit.

NOTE: These photos are of some weddings that I've been able to help with in a special way. 

|  Credits: Author - Jacintha Payne; Photography - Ali Marsh and Jacintha Payne |