I love the holidays and I really enjoy the opportunity it provides to create traditions with our family. With Thanksgiving quickly approaching, we wanted to invest some time on the front end helping Emet understand thankfulness and what it means to be thankful. Our intentions were good, but our explanation of what it means to be thankful was met with a blank stare and a request to play Cars. Have you ever stopped and tried to explain to a toddler what it means to be thankful? It’s a lot harder than I thought. And the more I tried to simplify it, the more I was getting confused myself. I was determined to find a way to break this down in a simple way for him to understand. As I thought about this, I found three helpful categories for cultivating thankfulness and making it easier to understand (even for 2 year olds). This is in no way meant to be a comprehensive way of understanding thankfulness, but I hope it is a good starting point for growing in thankfulness as we near the holiday centered on this discipline

THE THINGS WE LIKE

As I asked Emet what he was thankful for he responded with a blank stare because I was using a word that hasn’t fully taken root in his vocabulary. He knows that he’s supposed to say “thank you” when someone gives him something, helps him with a task, or just does something kind. But this whole experience exposed that while he knows to say the words “thank you” it isn’t connected meaningfully to an expression of his heart. This caused me to examine my own heart and think about what is behind these words that I so often use.

The first way we can understand what we’re thankful for is by asking ourselves, your child, friend (whoever) “What things do you like?” When I asked Emet this question he immediately began listing off all his favorite things: his cars, his bedroom, monster trucks, Peter Pan, the list went on and on.

I explained to him that we can be thankful for the things that we like because they have been given to us (directly or indirectly) for our enjoyment. It is good to enjoy things. But it’s best to like things and enjoy them when paired with a heart that is thankful.

THE PEOPLE WE LOVE

It’s important to understand and communicate that being thankful is more than just recognizing the things that we like and that they’ve been given to us. It’s also reflecting on the people that we love. We have been blessed with some wonderful friends and family who have loved us faithfully and selflessly. These people have also welcomed Emet and Abner and invested in them in significant ways. These people were easy for Emet to list because they are all his favorite people.

This seemed like an easy win. Listing the people that we love. But, loving people is more than loving the people who are easy to love. There are people in our lives that are hard to love. But I want to recognize, and I want my children to recognize, that there is a lot to be thankful for even when it comes to the people who are hard to love. The reasons we can be thankful for these people is because (1) we’re commanded to (Luke 6:27-36; Matthew 5:36; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7) and (2) these relationships are put into our lives to grow and shape us into better people. I want our family to be marked by love for others. A great way to grow in love for others is by reflecting on the ways you are thankful for them.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself or your little one:

• Who do you like spending time with?

• Who takes care of you?

• Who are your friends?

• Who do you get to share with?

• Who do you get to show kindness to?

THE WAYS WE’VE GROWN

The third way we understand the things we can be thankful for is by thinking about the ways that we’ve grown and developed. I think about this on two different levels, one geared more towards kids and the other more for adults.

When we’re talking with our kids about being thankful for the ways they’ve grown, it can be helpful to point out the ways that they’ve grown and matured:

• You’ve learned how to share well with your friends

• You’re really good at eating all of your dinner

• You show really good self-control when…

• You’re really helpful when you put away your toys

Helping them see things they do well and connecting it with their sense of accomplishment and feeling good about the ways they are “growing up” will help connect the feeling of thankfulness with the ways they feel when they are helping and “doing a good job.”

The same can go for adults, we can be thankful for the ways that we’ve grown, become better at things, and goals we’ve accomplished. But we live in a complex world where the ways we grow are often connected to difficult and challenging things. I want to be the kind of person who sees how the hard things are being used for my good and are shaping me. I want my responses to teach my family that good things come through both joy and pain - and we can be thankful for all of it.

FINAL THOUGHTS

As I’ve thought through what it means to understand thankfulness, it’s more than simply recognizing good things. Recognizing good things is a part of being thankful, but it’s only that - part of being thankful. During this season we can think about the things we’re thankful for, but if it’s separated from the the one who has graciously given it to us, then we are missing the point. James 1:17 says:

“Every good and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”

True thankfulness should be pointed to the one who has so graciously given us everything - God. We see how gracious these good things are when we realize how underserving we are of them. Thankfulness should go beyond the appreciation and recognition that “I have good things” to the understanding that “I am undeserving of these blessings poured upon me.” This gets to the heart of what it means to be thankful.

A GREAT WAY TO DISPLAY YOUR THANKFULNESS

As we had this conversation as a family, we decided to put our thankfulness on display and create a new family tradition at the same time.

We got out some construction paper that was in keeping with a fall color scheme. Calvin and I cut out a bunch of simple leaf shapes and hole punched them. As we talked through the things we were thankful for, we wrote them down on the leaves and Emet decorated the leaves with colored pencils.

I used short pieces of twine and tied them onto an old wreath. Before we knew it, we had a bunch of leaves that were covering the entire wreath. Our plan is to take the leaves back off the wreath throughout the day on Thanksgiving recalling and giving thanks for all of the deposits of grace that have been given to us.

What are some ways that you use to create thankfulness around the holidays and throughout the year?

| Credits: Author - Jacintha Payne; Photography - Jacintha & Calvin Payne |