CULTIVATING A PEACEFUL HOME
One of the things I've always wanted for my family is a peaceful home. A peaceful place where we can rest, eat, dance, be productive, and retreat. I hope to create a home that's a dependable place to come back to after a long day. Where we know exactly what we're walking into. I want it to be a place that calls to remembrance the smell of warm food cooking in the oven, a fresh spring breeze wandering in through the windows, and the sound of music playing softly in the background.
When I was a little girl I thought if I could just own my own home, then all of these "peaceful" things would just come together. Over time, I learned that these things don't come as naturally as I'd hoped they would. Not only that, I learned that these things are a small component to having a peaceful home. However, since I grew up in a very unpeaceful home as a child, I knew I didn't want it to be like that for me and my family.
I quickly learned two things:
We aren't always guaranteed we will own a home.
We can still have the loveliest of homes and it still be an unpeaceful of place to be.
Creating a peaceful home is a combination of focusing on the right things at the right time while adding small supporting components that help support a peaceful environment.
I've found that you will experience a peaceful home when you understand your purpose in light of your circumstances and allow it to fuel you towards your goal. This process is accomplished by glorifying God with the time you've been given while modeling thankfulness as you invest in what matters.
Here are four thoughts that try to explain how I came to this conclusion:
01. THE FOUNDATION - UNDERSTANDING THE PURPOSE
Everything that's built requires a foundation. The foundation is what supports and sustains all the other components. This post is about cultivating a peaceful home, but having a peaceful home is not the foundation - it's something that's built on the foundation. Before I begin talking about what I'm trying to build (a peaceful home), It's helpful for me to outline the foundation I'm building on.
In one of my favorite books in the Bible, the book of James 3:15-17, James contrasts two types of wisdom: spiritual wisdom that's from above vs. unspiritual wisdom that's earthly. The earthly wisdom is bitter, self-concerned, and jealous. But the wisdom from above (the instruction provided in Scripture) is pure, peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy, impartial, and sincere.
When I think about everything I do, whether it's creating a peaceful home, investing in my family, building friendships - whatever it is - I can't get away from the foundational purpose of glorifying God in whatever I do. Glorifying God is the lens I view and evaluate everything through. This tells me that if I want to cultivate peace in my home and in all other areas of my life, it has to be done by rightly understanding and applying the wisdom that is from above - the wisdom found in Scripture.
02. UNDERSTANDING THE CURRENT SITUATION
It's easy to get wrapped up in the things that help support comfort and peace and ignore the need to focus on the right things at the right time. It's connected to that idea that if I just have a home of my own, in my name, then these feelings of peace and security will follow. But that just isn't the case. I learned (sometimes the hard way) that a home and a comforting environment are helpful, but they don't offer offer any long-lasting peace and security. The reason they don't offer long-lasting peace and security is because:
We don't know what tomorrow will bring.
Life is temporary.
James 4:13-14 says:
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.
I found this verse to be true very early on in my marriage. Calvin and I bought our first home together right before we got married. I moved in to get things settled and we both lived there together after our wedding. Everything was great. I felt I finally had "peace and security" because I purchased my own home. However, this peace and security was short-lived. We got married in 2008 and just about a month after our wedding the recession hit and with the recession, Calvin ended up without work for several months and we had to short sell our home.
The reality is, none of us know what tomorrow will bring. I'm not promised that everything will go smoothly - and often it doesn't. If I want to have a peaceful home it won't be successfully built on a foundation of things. This kind of peace is temporary and lacks the dependability and consistency that is desired.
A few months ago we relocated and moved from a house we were renting and we are now living in a little temporary apartment - a temporary apartment with a toddler, a dog, and minimal supplies. I must admit, it's been hard to have all of our things in pods for several months and not be surrounded by the things we've built and collected over the last 15 years. But in another sense, I rarely think about it in my daily routine. Trust me, I much prefer a home of my own - and I really hope to have one again - but for now, I'm responsible for making the best of what I have in the season that I'm in focusing on the right things at the right time.
Focusing on the right things at the right time and making the best of the season I'm in results in me investing in the moment. Life is temporary and we don't know what tomorrow will bring. So, I want to create as many meaningful and memorable moments as I can. One of the ways I try to do this is by simply creating an atmosphere that's both comfortable and memorable.
ATMOSPHERE
I love keeping a home and finding ways to create an environment that's restful, comfortable, and welcoming. I love thinking of easy and simple things like music, smells, when and what I have on the television, and how I set up time for reading. Striving to cultivate this in my home can really help affect the atmosphere of my home.
Here are some super simple things that I've found helpful to do:
Smell: Scent can take us back to a particular time and place. It creates comfort and nostalgia. Diffusing oils or burning favorite candles is an easy way to set the tone. Of course, I'd love my home to smell of warm cinnamon rolls in the oven and hot coffee at all hours of the day. Haha! But, unfortunately I've had no luck finding a way to make that happen.
Music: Whether I want to have restful music on in the background (Bon Iver, Sufjan Stevens, or Beach House), or music for a family dance party (LCD Soundsystem, The Beatles, or Daft Punk), I don't want it to be obnoxious noise. Instead, I want it enhancing the mood for the moment. Here are a few of my playlists I've created if you'd like some ideas.
Television: I try to keep our television time intentional - meaning, I don't keep it running in the background, and when we do watch it (some weeks more often than others) I want it to be a treat. It's amazing how much a specific show or movie can change the mood of the day. There are some really adorable cartoons out there for little ones, but I have to take the time to add all our favorites to a special queue so random things aren't just playing.
Family Dinners Together: Having consistent family time together where distractions are removed and conversations can take place is so helpful and truly just wonderful. Life is busy and it can pull us in tons of different directions. Having regular family time together around the table helps pull us back together.
Reading and Quiet Time: I really want to provide a quiet place where we can read and quietly catch up on tasks each day. I'm not always the best at this. Like I said, life has a way of tugging and pulling us in many directions - but I want to fight that and continue to create a daily time and space for this.
Creating Time for Creativity and Imaginative Play: I strive to provide time each day for Emet to play and use his imagination. I try to encourage this by spending some time with him as he plays to help show him how to create and imagine.
Hosting: Oh, how I love hosting. This enjoyment has only grown over the years. When I was little, I always wanted my younger siblings coming into my room for a picnic or to select from my candy jar. I completely relate to Monica on FRIENDS when she says:
"I’m always the hostess! I mean, I was always the hostess, I mean even when I was little, I mean the girls brought their dollies to my tea party, I served the best air."
Haha! I'm not the best cook and don't typically create anything especially unique, but I do want those in my home to feel loved and cared for. As I've said, this isn't automatic. It takes time to create a rhythm. Here are some easy tips I put together for succeeding at hosting.
Creating an environment that's comfortable and memorable is just one of the many ways we can invest in the moment. However, since we aren't promised tomorrow and we know life is temporary, I want to strive to make the most of the time, situation, and resources I've been given.
03. FUELED PROPERLY BY YOUR CURRENT SITUATION
Life is temporary and when I realize this, it helps weed out the things that promise peace but can't deliver.
Whatever is on my mind, I want to prayerfully bring it to the Lord, but when Paul writes in Philippians 4:6-7 he tells us that when we make our requests to the Lord, we are to make them with thanksgiving. As I reflect on how the Lord has guided me through the many circumstances in the past, I'm able to see his faithfulness. When I pray about the things in my life that are on my mind with a heart of thanksgiving, the Bible promises that the peace of God will guard my heart and mind. This is the fuel that keeps peace present as I press towards my goal.
Creating peace has everything to do with how we think about things and having the right kind of attitude.
ATTITUDE
The most important attitude I can cultivate is an attitude of thanksgiving. Being a thankful person changes everything. It causes me to focus on what I have instead of what I don't, but it doesn't come automatically - it's a daily choice. However, it really does affect my perspective, environment, and even the people around me.
Here are a couple thoughts I wrote about being a thankful person in: Living Thankfully.
THE BENEFITS OF BEING A THANKFUL PERSON
Being a thankful person makes you a more enjoyable person to be around. You're more likely to look for the positive and redeemable qualities in things, which creates a enjoyable atmosphere for you and others.
Being a thankful person makes you more productive. Thankfulness breeds positivity. Therefore, you're less likely to wallow in negativity.
Being a thankful person makes you more influential to others. The more you see the good and the things you have to be thankful for, it becomes infectious and attractive. It motivates you to want to be thankful because of the life and energy it produces.
HOW I KNOW WHEN I'M AN INTERNALLY THANKFUL PERSON
When I'm internally thankful, I tend to focus on what I have, not what I'm lacking. I'm able to see all there is to be thankful for.
When I'm internally thankful, I'm less likely to complain.
When I'm internally thankful, it results in being marked by contentment. This doesn't mean I stop making and pursing goals. It does mean that I find enjoyment from the things that I already have.
With that said, I think having the right attitude goes beyond cultivating thankfulness. Over the past year it's become my prayer that I would be marked by having a “compassionate heart, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.” I want to be someone that actively seeks to put off doing things motivated by selfish ambition.
Colossians 3:12-17
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell inyou richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
What I've found is that living this way is the most rewarding way to live. It makes life full and fun, instead of being empty and self-centered.
04. INVESTING IN WHAT MATTERS
Investing in what matters means it's important for me to spend time on the right things - the things that last. Matthew 6:19-21 talks about investing in the things that last, the things that are eternal. In the past, it seemed like it was most important for me to invest in building up security around myself with things that were absent from my childhood. I'm not saying that having a home and pursing financial stability is wrong, it just ultimately doesn't deliver on the happiness and peace it promises.
Peace comes when you understand your purpose to glorify God in light of your temporary circumstances while fueling yourself with thanksgiving towards your goal of investing in what matters most.
Here are two things I try to do to help invest in what matters:
HAVE BALANCE
We've all heard people talk about the need for a work/life balance. I think there was a time in my life when I thought this kind of balance meant having an equal distribution of your work and your personal life. But what I've come to learn over time is that balance is something so much more than equal distribution of your time. Balance is knowing how to do the right things at the right time. It's knowing when to be productive, when to rest, when to spend intentional time with others, and when to spend time alone. If I do any one of these things exclusively and to the detriment of the others I will burn out. In order to know how to spend my time and have the appropriate balance in life, I have to get clear on my goals and what I want to do. For our family, we have made the decision that pouring into our family and friends is an investment that we want to make. This means taking care of each other, providing for one another's needs, and building each other up. We believe that investing in people and their lives has a return that will have eternal impact.
CREATE CLARITY
Getting clarity on my direction and goals is essential to having balance and creating a peaceful home. One way I've gotten clarity on my goals is by scheduling a time to develop a 5-Year Plan. This time will allows me to set specific goals and help me understand how everything else I'm doing helps to serve my goals. When I have clarity around my goals, it makes it easier for me to see the necessity of downtime and resting. One of the ways we enjoy resting is by doing family activities together like: reading, playing, or exploring outside. Resting feels so much better if I know that's what I should be doing at that moment. It's important for me to know these kinds of activities aren't keeping me from being productive.
Getting clarity also allows everyone in my home to be in sync and know how to help one another - which also makes it easier to know how to do my own independent things. Both Calvin and I have different times that we prefer waking up in the morning along with different routines - he likes to get up at 5:00 and start the day off with time reading the newspaper. I, on the other hand, enjoy mapping out my day before I go to bed so I can have a clear mind as I close my eyes, and getting up around 6:30 for reading. When there is clarity, it makes it easier for you to support those around you and be a cheerleader for them as they seek to achieve their goals. As you do this, it makes for a peaceful environment as you work together to get things done.
WORKING FOR PEACE
All these things take a lot of work and they don't come automatically, but I want to continue to implement these things in my life and am so thankful for how much it's changed my life so far. It's so great that we get to work, shape, and cultivate the environment we live in. I get the opportunity to exercise this with the season I'm in right now - but I'm also joyfully looking forward to owning our own home again one day and creating a culture of peace there. Until then, I want to respond well in the temporary seasons too. There will always be difficulty in life and things we can't avoid, but we can choose to live thankfully and strive to build a home that's marked by peace.
| Credits: Author - Jacintha Payne; Photography - Ali Marsh |